Scene 1:

“Jay bhai, tamul khaboloi 2000 toka diok, kaam hoi jabo,” slipped through the loan officer in the bank. He meant ‘Jay brother, give me 2000 bucks for betel-nut and your job will be done’!

My job is done. Yes I paid him 2000 bucks for an education loan that the government promised me for free. I paid him bribe to sanction my loan. I paid him so that I needn’t spend much of my effort in doing rounds of the bank. I paid for peace of mind. I did anything wrong? I am a journalist today and am writing against corruption. I am getting decent visits per day on my personal blog and above all, fellow commoners believe that I can change the system.

Cut to…

A few days back, someone asked in the newsroom: “Is it Eid today?” I started drooling! The taste of sewai, biryaani and the happy looking people hugging each other and yes! Yet another Salman Khan flick! Superb occasion to cheer about…

But, how can the question “Is Eid today” erupt in a sensitive and intellectual place like the newsroom, that too at 9pm? Thank God it was edited on the next day’s edition!

Cut to…

“Jay ji, I want to know about your place. What’s ‘so’ popular in Assam?” asked my Cabbie (he likes my company – maybe my broken Hindi or my inability to express properly). I said, “Apart from tea and handloom, the scenic beauty is the best about the place. The culture, traditions and intermixing of different ethnic tribes put a great picture of North East India. Here in Uttar Pradesh people are divided into Brahmins, Dalits, Muslims, Yadavs etc. But in general, they all speak the same language. But in the northeast, language isn’t the same…”

Before I could continue, Cabbie interrupted and asked, “What about China and I heard that they are nearby Guwahati? And ULFA?” I kept mum. I should have replied, explained. But at 2:15am, I was more confined and assuring to the tune of Papon singing ‘Jiye Kyu…’

Cut to…

‘Anna Hazare taking on the government and this time it seems some positive can come out…’, I overheard in the newsroom. Maybe it in itself was an over-rated statement, or maybe I am too skeptical, just like a billion other Indians to admit that change is possible.

Cut to…

A friend said, “I have some relatives in Pakistan and they keep calling me there.” To this, I said “You have relatives there?” and made a face, I regret thinking now. That was spontaneous and he may not have noticed, but I felt the different velocity at which blood was oozing out of my heart then. For a split second, I felt ‘this Muslim has relatives there too…’

In Between All These,

My head is banging. I am suffocating in this dual ME. I say politically correct lines when I am with colleagues and slightly deviates when I interact with friends, BUT I never take the pains to be the real me all the time. I am a cynic, I am skeptical about almost everything the government does or the politicians promise. I am a Hindu and I know I will marry a Hindu only – no matter she’s a wicked witch! I represent the ‘kuch nahi hoga’ generation and all I can do is write in my blog and expect that people like it and maybe click on a few ads so that I get some revenue too.

This is the real selfish me. This is the heart of billions of Indians.

Anna is doing something – at least trying to do. Maybe he is trying to hog the limelight before he dies and create a space in the history textbooks that will be read in the year 2051. But, he’s got that guts to create that space in the mindset of people which may tend the politicians to believe that the voters are not the same old fools. We will always be fools, but Anna created that doubt now which will make us intellectual fools – not just fools.

Lucknow has been a great place for my taste-buds. I love to have those Kabab platters and in recent times admitted it that when someone says Kakori, before Bhagat Singh and his heroics, Kakori Kababs come into my mind. It’s a place that a friend of mine explained as the meeting point of Muslims and Hindus. BUT, in this one year, all I can see here is that although intermixed, there’s a little bit of communal feeling in everyone’s mind here. That’s quite natural as both the religions are seen as two sides of a coin given the beliefs and sentiments are concerned. BUT, in between lies a few LEADERS who dilute the religion and bring in the COMMUNALISM. For vote bank, personal benefits or just for fun and gossip, these take a tailspin and ignite a misunderstanding that’s far from the real ME.

I am confused. The situations don’t excite me. I try to write sense, but I know that I got admission in that journalism college because I paid bribe for an education loan. I talk about changing people but fail to change the person who directly asks me ‘how are you finding in India?’ I now know there’s a difference in being politically correct, skeptical and cynicism. There’s a difference between the saying ‘Hindu-Muslims are brothers’ and accepting that not all terrorists are Muslims – Just like not all Pakistanis are terrorists. I now realize that more than an Indian, I am a professional who wants his salary account packed up first. BUT, I work for change… at least I dream of change!

PS: The writer has the tendency to use inappropriate words to make things look odd. Inconvenience caused is regretted!